For our writing assessment, we watched an interesting short film about a boy who seemingly can make objects levitate. This was our inspiration for writing a first-person narrative. Melanie tried to draw the reader in with an intriguing opening.
It was my birthday! ... It may be exciting for any other person
… but to me, it was my worst nightmare. The curse would strike once again; just
as it would do every year. The worst bit was – if people knew about it, it would
spread like butter on toast. It would start off with one person…then my whole
neighbourhood… then the whole city… and then eventually, the entire world! No doubt scientists
would try to use you and if they sensed that you were too dangerous to be
around, they could even execute you! If you are under a curse like mine…
BEWARE…
I like my use of ellipses in the sentence:"If you are under a curse like mine...BEWARE...
ReplyDeleteI also like my use of capital letters for effect.
However I think I could use more adjectives to describe and add a bit more information.
Melanie:)
Wow Melanie, Great use of ellipsis and that cliff hanger: BEWARE.
ReplyDeleteYour Talk Partner,
Owen :-)
Well done Melanie, we thought your use of sophisticated punctuation was very impressive and built tension in your introduction. We also really enjoyed your use of a simile, which made us smile! For your next step, we thought you could include some edingly openers. 5G
ReplyDeleteI was also impressed with your use of sophisticated punctuation. Well done Melanie!
ReplyDelete