6R biography

In 6R, we have been writing biographies this week. Below are two versions of a section of Alfie's biography of WWI figure Lord Kitchener; the first is his original, unedited version and the second is the final version once he had uplevelled his work, making small changes to improve it. 

Growing up in a strict family, Kitchener became extremely well-organised and hard-working, leading to be an strong leader later on in his life when he grew up. Due to the fact that Frances was ill, the family thought it would be best to move to Switzerland: where there would be fresh air. However, the decision did not chang anything and Kitchener's mother died that same year. Two years later, Horatio's father re-married and moved away; Kitchener, however, stayed to finish school.

Growing up in a strict family meant that Kitchener became extremely well-organised and hard-working; these skills would help him to be a strong leader later on in his life when he grew up. Due to the illness of Frances, the family thought it would be best to move to Switzerland; where there would be fresh air. However, the decision did not change her health and Kitchener's mother died that same year. Two years later, Horatio's father re-married and moved away; Kitchener, however, stayed there to carry on at school.

6B Biography Writng!

This week in 6B we have been learning to use the features of biographies. We found out about Lord Kitchener, organised the information into headings and then wrote our biographies. Here is an extract from Jake's. The paragraph in red is before editing and the paragraph in green is after editing. What improvements do you notice?


Another job was to visit trenches and create strategies and battle plans for the soldiers. He also was in charge of industries and decided women as men weren't available. Arguing with cabinet members, Kitchener wanted to resign however his offer was rejected. So therefore Kitchener left the as he felt disrespected.


Another of his jobs was to visit trenches to create strategies and battle plans for the soldiers to employ. Also he was in charge of industry and decided that women should work the jobs that men were no longer available to do. Arguing with the other cabinet members majorly, Kitchener wanted to resign, however his offer was rejected by the Prime minister as he was popular with the British public. In spite of this, Kitchener did later resign as he felt disrespected by his fellow cabinet members.