Atmospheric writing in 6F

In Year 6 we have been identifying what makes good, atmospheric writing. By using an extract from Michael Morpurgo's Private Peaceful as inspiration, we then wrote our own atmospheric passages. We worked hard on using description, figurative language and punctuation to generate a tense, exciting atmosphere in the context of a WW1 battlefield.

Here is Anish's:

The men are ants, scurrying, crawling, dying. Gravely, I hear
Pete calling for me. Out of nowhere, he grabs me tightly and I limp after him. I am in dire need of air. I can’t do it... Half-blinded by my mask, I stumble, colliding with the trench wall, knocking myself half-unconscious. My gas mask has slipped off. Instantaneously, I pull it down again, however I know it is too late. My throat is smouldering. My lungs are burning. I am coughing, retching, choking. I’m running anywhere; I don’t care, as long as it is away from the gas. I’m out! I wrench off my mask, panting and gasping for air. Helplessly, I fall on my knees, vomiting violently. At last, when the torture has ended, I look up through blurred and sobbing eyes. Suddenly, a devil of a man appears, pointing his rifle at me. I’m powerless. I can hear the rapid rattle of rifles in the distance. Soon another will join the chorus. It is the end...