Friday, 19 September 2014

L.I.To write a diary entry

                                                                                                                           18th September 1895

Dear Diary,
                   I've had the most terrible day ever!
It all started yesterday when I was given Ma's last shilling. It was brilliant (well I thought it was anyway) and I dashed all the way to the meat pudding shop. When I reached the shop I had to barge my way through the crowd of hungry boys and skinny dogs.

I charged into the warm inside of the shop, clutching the coin in my hand so that the metal grew warm. Mrs Hodder bit into the coin to make sure it was real and then I asked her for the biggest juiciest pie she had. Eventually it was ready and she took it from the oven, handed it to me and I was off, darting through the crowd. All of the boys and dogs chased after me but I lost them in the dark, shadowy alleys and soon I was home. I was very tempted to eat it all myself but I know my sisters would have been angry so I didn't.

We shared the pie out and it was delicious. I thought it was all fine to have pie but the next morning I realised why it wasn't such a good thing...

I was half asleep when suddenly the door slammed open waking everyone up with a jump. It was Mr Spink asking for his rent for the tiny room we all lived in. When he realised we'd spent Ma's last shilling on a pie he made us leave. We packed our things (I only had two) and then left. I'm not sure what's going to happen now. I'm scared.

From,

Jim

By James, 5G

3 comments:

  1. 6F really enjoyed this diary entry by James. In particular, we thought that the short sentence at the end helped to generate an atmosphere of fear and tension. This is something that we are looking at in Literacy at the moment.
    We thought that there were some particularly powerful verbs, including: charged, darted, clutching and barging; however we thought it would be even better if some sophisticated adverbs were added to these. Adverbs we generated as a class included: malevolently asked, desperately charged and brusquely barged.
    Lastly, we thought that the extra information added in brackets helped the description and the ellipsis added to the atmosphere of intrigue.
    Well done James!
    From, 6F

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  2. My godness this execellent! I loved reading this writing i got blown away!

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  3. Brilliant work,James! I loved it.

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