This week in year 5 we have been writing descriptive passages about volcanic eruptions. Here is Dean's work. What descriptive features can you spot?
The deadly volcano slowly starts its immense eruption with a
small mysterious groan from deep inside the inner core. Swiftly, emissions
of smoke, fiery and heavy, follow these horrifying sounds… It’s a sign of the
imminent eruption!
Sweltering, the magma viciously explodes! Turning into
raging lava it pierces aggressively out of the ground. Subsequently, the cascading
lava pours down, whilst an enormous puff of poisonous smoke showers down over
the villages. Damaging objects and consuming people’s lives, chaos ensues
everywhere!
Wow Dean! I am so impressed by the progress in your writing! Your use of figurative language, powerful adverbs and adventurous adjectives have ensured that your description is interesting to read. Well done!
ReplyDeleteWe liked the way you used ellipsis and power words, maybe next time you could use 'minuscule' instead of 'small',
ReplyDeleteYour volcano writing has been our favourite post so far. We felt anxious and petrified when we read this as the description sounded so real. We have chosen to have 'deadly' as our word of the week next week.
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