He was
dejected. Clutching the wooden, frayed basket of poisonous snakes between his
stubborn fingers, Marcus tiptoed towards the leering Lannister and vast
gladiators. “Is this worth it?” Marcus whispered isolatedly to himself.
Despite all
the knotted twists, the venomous snake hissed at the guard, his magic then excited
Tata into ecstatically bolted with freedom. Tata exclaimed: “Quick! Let’s race
to the dormant mountain with the abandoned horse!”
“I’ve really
missed you!” Wept Marcus as tears dripped down his tender face. Unsteadily, by feeling
his wretched father’s arm, covered in ruby red bloodstains and sweaty scars,
the duo clambered up the rocky ridge.
Wow Javan! I am so impressed by your choice of adventurous vocabulary. Your decision to use a short, simple sentence at the start of your first paragraph instantly gripped me! Re-read your fourth sentence to check for sense.
ReplyDeleteWe really enjoyed reading your narrative. Well done for using capital letters for the start of the sentence as well as for proper nouns. Well done for using speech marks and question marks in your writing, we are going to try and use a question mark in our writing.
ReplyDelete6F really liked your time connectives and your edingly openers Juvan. We thought maybe 'vast' gladiators could be up-levelled for precision? As vast made some of us think of landscape features as opposed to people - but that was just the opinion of some! Great stuff!
ReplyDelete