This week in 5E, we looked at the process of volcanoes erupting. Below is Rachel's description of a volcanic eruption:
The primary indication of a volcanic eruption originates when an erratic rumbling occurs deep in the mass of rock, the volcano. Swiftly following this, hazardous smoke will patiently loom up; an indication of an expressive eruption. A short time later, blood-thirsty ash will arise and slay any innocent life form in its way. Meanwhile, magma compels rock rock movement, which is violently vexed, but the disastrous eruption has only just begun...
Wow Rachel! I am so impressed by the adventurous vocabulary that you have used in your writing. In addition, I am impressed by your use of figurative language and the variety of connectives. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteWhat fantastic writing, Rachel! We really enjoyed your use of powerful adjectives (e.g. erratic), range of punctuation (e.g. ellipsis), time connectives (e.g. meanwhile), personification (e.g. arise and slay) and alliteration (e.g. violently vexed). To make your writing even better, we thought you could include more adverbs and take care to vary vocabulary, such as 'indication.'
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