We have been looking at creating characters with particular traits. In order to make our writing more sophisticated, we focused on 'showing' what a character was like, as well as 'telling' the reader. We are writing in the context of WW1. Here is an extract from Demi's character description:
“Get in line you useless savages; is this what they bring these days?! I guess I will have to make you into soldiers!” shrieked Sergeant Smith. The spit spluttered across the faces of the recruits.
Sergeant Smith was an obese man and his tummy seemed to grow endlessly. All he did was eat and scream commands at the soldiers.
Petrified, the soldiers stood still. Their bodies were as straight as a pencil lead.
“I don’t know what they taught you back at home, this is the real world! It’s tough and hard and if you don’t like it… let the Hun kill you!”
His eyes were fire-balls of fury tracking down its prey and despite the fact he was plump, he could still instil fear into the recruits.
Wow Demi! I was utterly captivated by your writing! I love the way you have used speech at the start of your writing, to instantly engage the reader and give a clear insight into your character. In addition, I also like your use of similes, such as 'as straight as pencil lead', and metaphors, such as 'eyes were fire-balls'. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteThank you miss Golding for a really positive comment!
DeleteWell done Demi!I enjoyed reading this description about the cruel, Sergeant Smith. In the first paragraph I love the way that you used alliteration to make it sound better. I also love the way that you used speech to show what he really is like and to tell us the vocabulary he uses. Lastly, I would like to praise your metaphor: he could instil fear into the recruits. That shows us that he is very intimidating.
ReplyDeleteAs i will say again Demi, well done!
Hilary, your friend :)
Wow Demi! I love your work! I like how you used fascinating adjective (which I can magpie in my work). I can also see that you have used inverted commas (speech marks) correctly. Well Done! :)
ReplyDeleteFrom your best friend, Mathusha.
well done Demi. I like your use of alliteration when you said spit spluttered.
ReplyDeleteWell done Demi! the speech you used was very good because it made the privates very scared.
ReplyDeleteFrom Anish
To demi,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, well done for adding speech in your writing, it was very effective. Also I liked how you sad the sergeant spluttered his spit at the terrified Privates.
From your classmate,Rosieanne.