As a development of our atmospheric writing we did last week, we have been looking at using a particularly sophisticated passage of narrative from Sebastian Faulks' Birdsong. This was our good example to inspire this week's writing. Have a look at Matthew's first paragraph below:
Listlessly, he lay imprisoned underneath the slimy
tunnel floor beneath no-man’s-land, and still he was not gone! He could
taste the damp soil and feel it in his weary eyes and nose. There was an ominous pressure on
his chest. He tried to move but found himself motionless, as though the sullen
Earth had wrapped him in bulky, uncomfortable blankets and was encouraging him to sleep. The noise
of a deafening explosion seemed to echo in the slender tube. He pictured his
way back blocked by damp soil, and a flicker of trepidation rose in his
stomach, but then died again beneath the mass of his pinioned state. The imprisoned
sound eventually diminished...
This is a great piece of atmospheric writing Matthew. I particularly like your use of personification.
ReplyDeleteWell done it was a good atmospheric text Matthew. I think I could magpie some of your work such as there was an ominious pressure on his chest. Once again Matthew well done it was fantastic piece of writing. Demi your classmate
ReplyDeleteLovely passage. I like your opener. Keep up with the good writing, from classmate Sara
ReplyDeleteNice work Matthew! I liked how you described how the soldier is laying on the ground. I could magpie some of these brilliant words.
ReplyDeleteMathusha, your classmate
To Matthew, from 5E. Thank you so much for letting us read your work! We loved it.
ReplyDeleteOur two ticks are:
- Senses, such as tasting the damp soil.
- Personification, for example the Earth's character being sullen.
Our wish would be: We would love to read a relative clause. We were learning about them this week in Year 5.
Thank you very much!