This week in year 5 we have been writing our own versions of 'Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator'. Here is Max's opening paragraph.
Previously, we saw tiny Charlie Bucket floating high in orbit above his
home town. Everyone was wildly excited, apart from Grandma Josephine who was
petrified! After winning the Chocolate Factory, which was a marvel, Charlie was
returning in triumph.
“Get us out of here!” screamed Grandma Josephine loudly.
“We must go higher!” Mr Wonka shouted excitedly.
“You mad man!” screeched Grandma Josephine, her voice filling with
fear.
I enjoyed reading the opening of your narrative, Max. I am impressed by the range of synonyms for said. To improve your work further, try and include a range of adjectives and adjectival phrases.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of 'Previously' as an -ly opener. -Ellen (4E)
ReplyDelete