Here is Chanel's poem, from 5E. She wrote about the moon:
The moon,
Smiling
gracefully down to
Earth,
An eye which sleeps
during the day.
Nocturnal
Moon,
Hiding her
sparkling face,
Behind
the fluffy white
whispering clouds.
Asteroids
and rockets land,
And
painfully crash,
Going
very deep,
Into
her rock hard
body,
Making holes everywhere,
With no respect.
She detests,
The other
planets,
With such terrible
hate.
She is the
sister of darkness,
With a very
evil side,
So when she
is coming,
Keep your
belongings inside.
I enjoyed reading your poem Chanel. I particularly like the way you have used adverbs and adverbial phrases. Well done!
ReplyDeleteWow, Chanel! We loved your use of personification and descriptive phrases. Could you uplevel some of your verbs, e.g. "going" and "making holes"? We also weren't sure about your last line...
ReplyDeleteWe think that you used personification well, especially when you said the moon was smiling. We also think that you set your stanzas out correctly. We were impressed with some of your vocabulary (i.e. nocturnal) however we thought that some words could be upleveled, for example 'hard'.
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