This week in 5E, we have been creating our own versions of Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. Each pupil created their own planet and alien. Below is Rachel's build up, where the elevator arrives at the unknown planet:
Although the elevator was programmed to float, it somehow dropped in time with the erupting screams spreading like an infectious cold, but an even crueller flu, which made Charlie deflate like a balloon.
"Help!" Grandma Georgina screamed. How much worse could it get?
When Charlie reluctantly opened his heavy eyelids, he notcied he was covered in shattered glass, and was laying on a flat, ivory ground, trembling with fear. He moved his head, lookig at a dark, liquid blue sky.
"Diiing!" Something screeched, and Charlie saw the most astounding thing in his life. He was frightened and amazed, his heart pounding.
I loved reading this extract from your narrative Rachel. I am particularly impressed with your use of a rhetorical question and the way your last two sentences build suspense.
ReplyDelete6F thought this was an effective build-up because we wanted to read on. Also, the rhetorical question engaged the reader and made us think about your characters and their situation. We liked the comparison of 'deflating like a balloon', as this helped us to imagine what Charlie looked and felt like. Our next step would be to show off more sophisticated punctuation, such as: ellipsis, semi-colon, dashes and brackets. Well done Rachel!
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