Continuing our work with WW1 diaries, Matthew has written a diary entry from the perspective of Charlie, a soldier who is about to be executed by his country for "cowardice". This is his first paragraph:
Dear Diary,
As I solemnly sit and write for the final time, I fear that
this war will never end. I feel a spot of relief because my time in the war
will be over soon; very soon… The grip of fear in my heart has been
extinguished, putting out all of the doleful feelings inside of me.
Demoralising thoughts of Molly and little Tommo fill my heart, and I want to
hold them in my arms for one last time. I deeply hope that my death will not be
pointless and it will encourage others to fight and finish this war so that
little Tommo will never have to face the terrifying horrors that I have. However,
at the same time, revenge itches at my coarse skin. How could Hanley do this to
me? But there is no point wasting my last moments in hatred; if the war has
taught me one thing, it is that hatred is too risky.
Wow Matthew! This is an amazing diary entry! I was utterly gripped by your writing and it enabled me to create a clear picture in my mind of how Charlie was feeling. I am particularly impressed by the powerful and adventurous vocabulary and the range of punctuation used. I can't wait to read the next paragraph.
ReplyDelete5G are very impressed with this writing Matthew! We really enjoyed reading your diary entry and thought you used very emotive language which made us really feel for Charlie. We also enjoyed your sentence structure and thought the way you chose your words and word order really contributed to the overall effectiveness of the paragraph.
ReplyDelete2s thought your writing was very interesting and it made feel very sad when reading it
ReplyDelete2S chose your diary to help us with our work on diary writing next week
We liked that you used adjectives and adverbs to describe the war and feelings
We thought next you may want to use connectives or a simile.
Well done Matthew