In year 5 we have been reading 'Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator' by Roald Dahl. Here is Luc's character description of the famous Mr Wonka.
Mr Willy Wonka is a chocolate extraordinaire. He is an eccentric
person and has a crazy hair doo. He is as mad as a hatter with twinkling eyes. He
wears a deep plum velvet jacket, peach trousers, tap shoes and a red top hat
seats neatly on his head. What a marvellous man he is! He’s thoughtful, for
example he eventually decides to give his famous chocolate factory to a poor, melancholy
young boy named Charlie Bucket. He is also a genius and takes Charlie and his
family to Space Hotel USA in his marvellous glass elevator, and then saves them
from vermicious knids. Furthermore, Mr Wonka is a very humorous man and tricks
people a lot. In ‘Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator’ he fools the president
of the United States into thinking they’re alien from mars because he speaks
mystic words. Would you want to be the crazy Willy Wonka?
I am impressed with the adjectives that you have included within your description, such as, eccentric. To improve your writing further, try to use a variety of sentences openers and not rely too heavily on the use of 'he'.
ReplyDelete6F enjoyed your description Luc. We decided our two ticks and a wish would be:
ReplyDelete- Effective adjectives, for example: melancholy
- Sophisticated connectives, such as: furthermore and eventually
* Maybe try some varied sentence openers, such as edingly words, proper nouns instead of pronouns or some onomatopoeia.